by David Delp | Sep 5, 2016 | Uncategorized
We love the thought of being in the game, but when our moment comes we shrink back because of the times we dropped the ball, the times others ridiculed us, the times when our best was not good enough. The only way we courageously take a risk is when the thought of the desired outcome motivates us beyond fear of possible failure.
Long ago, one of my joyful duties was that of directing summer camps for children. I was thinking this morning of a little kid who came to camp one summer. I think his name was Jason. He was overweight and socially awkward; one of those kids who is not going to win a popularity contest, or any other contest for that matter. He’d already learned, by the time he was 8 years old, that when you are a short, fat little kid with a bad buzz haircut, interaction with other people can cause more pain than joy. He was adept at flying under the radar. Jason needed some encouragement.
Encourage and Be Encouraged by Creating a Safe Zone to Practice Risk Taking and Exposure
We get good at flying under the radar; of staying in our safe zone. If we don’t take risks or expose ourselves we won’t fail or fall. There are two kinds of kids on a basketball team, the ones who believe in themselves and want to play, and those who are timid, fearing possession of the ball with all eyes on them. The former sits on the bench near the coach hoping to be put in the game. The latter sits as far away from the coach as possible, hoping to not be noticed.
We love the thought of being in the game, but when the moment comes we shrink back because of the times we dropped the ball, the times others ridiculed us, the times when our best was not good enough. We fear repeating our failures. When we lose a love or a spouse, it hurts so much that trying the whole thing again, creating a new opportunity for loss, is a big risk. We are fragile and do not want to expose our tender under bellies. The only way we courageously take a risk is when the thought of the desired outcome motivates us beyond the fear of possible failure.
Find places to “practice” where failure is not an issue, and if you are the “coach” create an environment where failure is an opportunity to learn.
[callout]We are fragile and do not want to expose our tender under bellies. The only way we courageously take a risk is when the thought of the desired outcome motivates us beyond the fear of possible failure.[/callout]
Encourage and Be Encouraged by Searching for Potential
Jason was navigating camp in his own little world. Early in the week, we noticed Jason on the water slide, a make-shift slide made of plastic sheeting stretched out on a hillside and lubricated with a water hose and liquid soap. Jason’s short and round build enabled him to speed down the slide. We had an idea. We held a contest with counselors judging the speed, style, and form of the sliders. Of course, Jason consistently won the subjective judging. Athletic and popular kids put everything into their slides, and we tossed them some props, but Jason always beat everyone hands down with his speed and style.
When you are 8 years old it feels good to be the best at something for once in your life, even if it is just the way you slide down a plastic sheet. The more we cheered him the more he slid with abandon. With encouragement, Jason became the best and most entertaining slider.
Encourage and Be Encouraged by Celebrating Wins
I need lots of encouragement. Encouragement changes my perspective. If we want the people we love to soar, we must believe in them and cheer them on.
[callout]If we want the people we love to soar, we must believe in them and cheer them on. [/callout]
At the end of the week we always had an awards ceremony, giving out trophies for sportsmanship, all-around camper, winning contests, etc. In the awards ceremony, with great fanfare, Jason received a little plastic gold-tone trophy and much acclaim for being the all-time best slider, an award we made up just for that one camp, because of Jason. Most likely, it was the only time Jason had ever won an award. It was probably the only time the focus was on him for achieving something. We could not control the rest of his life, but we could control this moment. Our encouragement had propelled Jason to be the most celebrated slider in Lake Placid Camp history to this day, in my mind.
Encourage and Be Encouraged by Connecting Outcomes to Things of Eternal Value
It wasn’t about the waterside, we built a relationship with Jason that week. We ate with him in the cafeteria, we gave him high-fives as he walked the camp. We prayed with him in the chapel services. I don’t know if we affected his life, but we tried. I don’t know what happened to him, I never saw him again. I’d like to think we sowed some seeds of encouragement in Jason that he was important, cared about, and that he could be good at something.
Jason would be almost 30 years old now. I wonder if, when the day came to toss the little plastic trophy, if he remembered the cheers and the big deal we made of him. I wonder if, as a young adult, he realized that camps don’t give out trophies for water sliding and that we were just loving him. I wonder if he has ever told his own children about the time he was the best water slider ever.
Encourage and Be Encouraged by Searching for “Amazing” Through Eyes of Love
Encouragement is a powerful tool when it’s genuine, authentic, and motivated by love. This wasn’t about “everyone wins,” this was about finding something to genuinely celebrate. We found something Jason did better than anyone else and we found a way to celebrate it. I know there is a lot more investment and effort in being a world-class musician than just being obese and going fast on a waterside, but we still ought to recognize the good in the people we care about. Even if the good in some people is not as amazing as the good in someone else, we all have the potential to be quite amazing. The really grand stuff in us gets called out when someone we respect encourages us. If we can win at one thing we can win at other things.
[callout]If we can win at one thing we can win at other things.[/callout]
Had Jesus been at camp that week in body, I think he would have stood at the bottom of that water slide with a piece of cardboard from the dumpster marked with a bold “10” giving Jason smiles and high-fives. How do I know? Because Jesus has done the very same for me many, many times.
Following are some questions for small group discussion. [reminder]
- Who have been the great encouragers in your life? Name a few and the impact they had on you. How were you changed?
- How do you encourage yourself when you fear risk taking?
- If you’ve experienced a great loss in your life, how have you found the encouragement (courage) to risk again?
- Who in your life, that you care about, needs encouragement today? How will you encourage them today?
- Are their people in your life that if YOU don’t genuinely encourage them it isn’t likely to happen (i.e. your kids, your followers, your teammates, etc.)? How do you need to change your perspective to better invest in their lives?
by David Delp | Aug 30, 2016 | Uncategorized
You can’t move from one world to another world unless you are willing to let go of the former to reach for the future. We’ve applied what we’ve learned in grief to life’s big picture.
When our spouses died, Donna and I each lost more than a person, we also lost our world as it once was. We grieved for a lost person and we grieved a lost world.
I’ve realized on so many occasions the necessity of letting go of what is behind before reaching for what is ahead. Letting go when you have no choice is one thing, but It’s hard to take a risk when the thing we must release is viable, sustainable, comfortable, and pleasant, and the thing we are reaching for is undeveloped, scary, risky, and unknown.
Throughout life I’ve had dramatic moments of coming to understand that a “bird in the hand” is NOT “worth two in the bush.” Yes, what we hold in our hand is a sure thing, we know what we have, but the “two in the bush”cannot be obtained without letting go of the one in the hand. Unless we let go of what we tightly grip as our present reality, we cannot forge with dedication into our desired future. When God directs the “two in the bush” as his plan, we must first let go of the “one in the hand.”
There comes a defining moment as dramatic in our minds as Indiana Jones reaching for his father’s hand as the earth quaked and the ground opened up. The elder Jones held the Holy Grail in one hand and grasped a quaking ledge with the other. He could not take his son’s hand unless he let go of the Holy Grail, something he sought his entire adult life. He finally let go of his treasure so he could grasp his son’s hand and be pulled to safety.
It’s that moment when we have to actually let go of, release never to grasp again, that which we are moving away from in order to lay hold of that to which we are moving.
How do we know it’s time to loosen the grip on the present and reach for the future? Here are four thoughts that help me.
#1 Build a Boat that Floats
Sometimes leaping into the future is like jumping from a ship in the middle of the ocean without a plan. Most of the time we are admonished not to jump from the ship until we have a boat that floats. If you must take the risk of jumping from the ship, start building a boat. It’s not going to be as accommodating as the ship, but it will be a viable first step in getting you where you need to go.
#2 Mentally Watch the Ripples in the Pond
I think too much, always have. It holds me back because thinking too much hinders necessary risk taking. The key to healthy risk taking is healthy calculation of the risk. When you throw a rock in a pond ripples result. Mentally “throw a rock in the pond and watch the ripples.” Think through worst case scenarios and how you will mitigate them if necessary. You cannot know what will happen and you cannot mitigate all of the risks, but you can think it through and have reasonable contingencies.
#3 Imagine your Deathbed
I specialize in happy thoughts (sarcasm). When I lay on my deathbed will I be glad I took the risk, or will I still think I was stupid in taking the risk? Why the deathbed scenario? It’s because when you are dying you know how it ends. There’s nothing ahead to figure out. It’s all behind. Fast forward to your deathbed and look back. Are you glad you did it? Are you glad you took the risk? Even if your risk blows up, at the end of your days, was it something you just had to go for?
On our sabbatical, on our second to last day in the French Alps Donna and I were discussing whether we would rest, since we did not want to wear ourselves out before moving to the next leg of our journey, or would we hop on a train to Zermatt, Switzerland and experience the Matterhorn. I said, “if we don’t go, at the end of the day, I will be glad we stayed here and rested. If we do go, at the end of the day I will be glad we went.” Donna then made a profound statement, she said, “would you rather be glad that you didn’t go or be glad that you did go.” As is evidenced by the picture with this post, we went.
[shareable]’Would you rather be glad you took the risk, or be glad that you didn’t?'[/shareable]
I pose this question to you, if things are going to turn out positively no matter the path you choose, and if either path is a legitimate life choice, then which path would you rather be glad that you chose.
Trust God, and Trust God in You.
How do I know God’s will for my life? How do I know which path God wants me to walk? Yep, I’ve been asked that question a thousand times, and I’ve asked myself that question 10,000 times. At some point, when we’ve done our best to listen to God, and we’ve sincerely done our best to do the right things, we have to trust God. More than that, we have to trust God in us. We have to trust in God’s ability to guide us and reveal his plan to us.
I’m not sure why God puts the best things in life on the top shelves, but I know that you have to stretch to reach God’s best. Always. Come to grips with your pain points. When the pain of staying is greater than the pain of going, let go.
by David Delp | Jul 30, 2016 | Uncategorized
I’ve always needed to learn to relax. I’ve always been too uptight and worried. Part of learning to TRUST God is relaxing and living in your own skin.
I don’t do this often, but this is a direct excerpt from my journal about relaxing and trusting God. It is very reflective, and not polished, so it won’t be for everyone, but it is my heart and one of the impacts of my sabbatical…
On the plane from Brussels to DC there was a musician kid, mid 20s, who had long hair and a scruffy beard. I watched him. He had kind eyes and a kind face. He was so comfortable in his own skin.
I could tell by his interactions with the other passengers that he was kind, thoughtful of others, and he was very comfortable with himself and had nothing to prove.
At one point during the flight he got cold and pulled down his faded canvas back pack. When he pulled out his sweater I thought to myself, “I knew it. I knew he would have a sweater like that.” Large knit, colorful, large 3/4 sleeves.
The fascination for me was he was so comfortable with who he was that it never occurred to him to try to be someone else.
I want to be like that. I want to be oblivious to pressures to conform to convention and just relax in who I am in Christ and the unique purposes God has prepared for me. I want to reach for the divine revelations that draw me and simply be oblivious to the observations of the gallery. I want to rely upon the purity of my heart and my sincere desire to please God, and reach for the things in my heart and not give a… ummm… concern myself with what anyone thinks… Not because I don’t care about them, but because it just simply does not occur to me that anyone should have a problem or an interest in what I love and what brings me joy and makes me happy in the pursuit of God’s will.
[shareable]I want to be oblivious to pressures to conform and just relax in who I am in Christ and the unique purposes God has prepared for me.[/shareable]
[callout]I want to reach for the divine revelations that draw me and simply be oblivious to the observations of the gallery.[/callout]
I might just keep the beard. I might just wear my Italian hat a lot. I might just laugh and dream and chase shooting stars in the same way I chased lightning bugs when I was a kid. In the darkness waiting for the flash, then running toward where I saw the brief flash and finding the lightning bug hovering in the darkness. I would harvest the little bugs and place them in a glass jar with holes poked in the metal lid so they could breathe.
We searched for the bugs with abandon. We had nothing else to do in the moment beyond dreading the bedtime clock that would soon call us in. We did not give a thought about tomorrow, or pay checks or bills or groceries, at least I didn’t. In those moments all seemed right with the world. It just made me happy to chase those bugs, for absolutely no redeeming purpose.
That was almost 50 years ago. I lost the wonder somewhere along the way. Life got serious and cluttered and painful. Nope, I’m not Peter Pan, so life isn’t going to be all of that…but where’s the joy? Do I have to wait for retirement before I can accomplish what I really want to accomplish? Do I wish the time would pass more quickly, or perhaps I should position myself with the kind of life that will hope for more time. A life that dreads the bedtime clock because I am thoroughly enjoying what I’m doing. What is that worth?
Yep, as I write, we are sitting at a coffee shop. I’m drinking a Chai Latte, at least I was until a few minutes ago when I finished it. I’m wearing an orange shirt, white plaid shorts, hiking sandals, a blue Italian flat hat, and carrying a faded canvas bag. I’m typing on my iPad.
I know what I want to do with my life.
I want to lay my head on Abba (*Abba is a word for Father used in the New Testament which has, for me, the English equivalent of “Daddy”) Father’s chest and listen to his heartbeat.
To listen for the things important to Him.
To hear his heart.
Then I want to do what his heart instructs.
That’s it! That’s all!
If I can do that, and do it well, then I will dread the call of the bedtime clock. I will love every moment. Doesn’t mean there won’t be pain, challenges, losses, regrets, sadness, and real struggles sometimes… But there will be joy, a joy that I will not want to end.
I know what I want to do with my life… I know what I hear in the father’s heartbeat.
I know!
All that I’ve written on trust (in my journal) has taught me that I will not have much direction beyond just chasing the next flash of light in the darkness, but when I get there, I’ll find the source of light hovering in the darkness, and when I see it I will smile with excitement, I will reach out and lay hold and put it in my jar.
I was born to listen to Abba Father’s heart. I was born to hear. I was born to obey what I heard. To write it down. To put the voice of Abba Father in resources that will help other people understand his heart and experience the joy of becoming like Jesus.
I am going to run into the darkness toward the flash of light that I see. I will not know why, I’ll just chase the light. Maybe I’ll make lightning bug soup, or put them on display in my jar, maybe I’ll turn them loose so I can chase them again on another summer night.
[callout]I am going to run into the darkness toward the flash of light that I see.[/callout]
On my journey of loss and pain, in my darkest moments, in the moments I wanted to just give up, the heartbeat of God would speak to me, saying, “I almost have you where I want you.” Those words gave me courage, because if God had not given up on me, I was encouraged to just keep going.
On our first day back in the United States, while pondering all of these things, I heard the heartbeat of the Father again, this time saying, “NOW I have you where I want you.” I wept hard. Finally!
And I realized something I never knew or thought of. I realized that the place Abba wanted me to be was a place of brokenness where I was ready to start. I had suspected it to be a place of arrival, but I found the place Abba wanted me to be was a place of beginning… A place where I was ready and willing to obey.
A place where I was comfortable in my own skin.
A place where I was willing to move forward with only a brief flash of light in the darkness.
A place of trust, and not a place of clarity to know all of the details of the journey.
A place of joy. A place of gratitude. A place of trust.
Listen to me world…
… I am exactly, right now who Abba wants me to be. I am in the exact place Abba wants me to be. I know exactly what he wants me to do right now… And he will help me.
What I don’t know… I don’t know the doors that will open, I don’t know where I will end up, I don’t know what is next after I start doing what he’s told me… But, I don’t need to know. That is not my business.
You see, Abba knows when I will take my last breath and he knows what I need up until that time. He knows what I am to accomplish, he knows the paths I must take, or at least the ones he wants me to take.
I WILL LOOK FOR THE FLASHES IN THE DARKNESS, and there I will find the treasure hovering in the darkness. When I lay hold of it… I will look for the next flash.
