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Emotionally calibrated people have healthy relationships with safe people. Dysfunctional relationships not only disrupt our lives, but opening up to the wrong people, unsafe people, can hinder, damage, or destroy us as spiritual leaders. In this episode, David and Donna discuss some of the principles from the book Safe People, and how to carefully choose our relationships for joyful and healthy living.
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The Calibrate Life Podcast and Calibrate360 is about calibrating our lives to fulfill our God-purposes, and about lifting those we love and lead. As leaders, we grow and we give away what we’ve received to lift those we love and lead.
The people in our lives, those who speak into our lives as well as those we love and are speaking into, are important. We’ve had people in our lives who tear us down, abrasively challenge us, and generally make us miserable. Others in our lives lift us, strengthen us, and make us better, and in turn we are able to reciprocate.
As we look back over the podcasts we’ve published thus far, we’ve noticed that one of the areas we’ve neglected a bit int the Spiritual-Emotional-Intellectual-Physical quad is the emotional. Relationships are so vital to our lives that in many ways, if our relationships are healthy and happy, so will we be.
In this Episode we use some points from the classic book, Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This book is essential reading for every leader. We are challenged with keeping our relationships healthy and in proper alignment with our lives.
Here are a few highlights from the episode:
Unsafe People [5:47]
- Abandoners
- Critics
- More concerned about confronting errors than connecting
- Point the finger outward rather than inward
- They love truth, go to them for information but not for relationship
- They evoke anxiety in you over your mistakes rather than extend grace
- Irresponsible
- You may be an enabler for an irresponsible.
Personality Traits of Unsafe People [8:14]
- They don’t admit their weaknesses
- They are religious instead of spiritual
- They are defensive instead of open to feedback
- They are self-righteous instead of humble
- They apologize but don’t change their behavior
- They avoid working on their problems rather than dealing with them
- They demand trust instead of earning it
- They do not admit their faults
- They blame others instead of taking responsibility
- They lie instead of tell the truth
- They are stagnant instead of growing
None of us are perfect, so we need to extend grace to others!
Relational or Interpersonal Traits of Unsafe People [18:23]
- They avoid closeness instead of connecting
- They are ore concerned with “I” instead of “we”
- They resist freedom instead of encouraging it (they withdraw when I say “no”)
- They flatter instead of confront us.
- They condemn instead of forgive
- They stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals
- They are unstable over time instead of consistent
- They are a negative influence instead of positive
- They gossip instead of keeping secret
Safe People [29:22]
Safe Relationships…
- Draw us closer to God
- Draw us closer to each other
- Help us become the person God created us to be
A safe person is PRESENT with us
A safe person extends GRACE to us
A safe person speaks the TRUTH in love to us
Calibration Tools… Calibrating Our Lives and Lifting Those We Love and Lead [31:59]
- Who are the safe and unsafe people in your life? How can you manage the unsafe relationships? What changes do you need to make? Who are the people you need to “de-emphasize in your life?
- Are you a safe person? Look at the health of the relationships in your life. If your relationships are unhealthy, either you are choosing unwisely, or you are the problem and you need to grow. Resources: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.
- How can you repurpose this content to lift those you love and lead?
Finally…
Links to Books Recommended in this Episode:
- Safe People, By Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- Boundries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
- Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero
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