Relationships are the context for life, leadership, and ministry. Relationships don’t have an auto-pilot, they require ongoing calibration. They can bring us the greatest joys or the greatest heartaches. Have you ever thought about things you would like to do differently, if you had a chance. David and Donna talk about calibrating one of our most important relationships, marriage, and how they are doing things differently the second time around.

Calibrating the Marriage Relationship (Episode Notes)

For a more in depth article related to the content in this podcast, read the Blog Post at this link: I’m Doing Things Differently the Second Time Around 

Key Points in this Episode  

  • Make this your priority relationship, regardless of the season. We are a team, we are together in this, we are ONE.
  • Make Intentional investments. We invest in education and personal growth and development. We should make investments in our key relationship. [6:00]
        • Books, seminars, marriage encounters, other resources, observing others, etc.

    Book recommendation for investing in the marriage relationship:

    Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

    Showing love in the way our spouse receives it rather than how we desire to show it.


  • What we would do differently [14:30]

… sitting at the kitchen table in the mornings and having coffee or breakfast on days off

… going out for lunch on days off

… working out together

… unloading the dishwasher

… helping clean up in the kitchen

… going to bed at the same time every night

… finding and enjoying good coffee together

… doing most everything together

… never raising my voice, but talking calmly through every challenge

… affirming and speaking my heart often

… keeping the bags unpacked (this one keeps getting harder)

… listening, a lot

… dreaming about the future together

… eating dinner at the table together

… coming home at the end of my scheduled day and leaving unfinished tasks until the next work day, not always easy to do, but I will give priority to the priority

… taking one unbroken 24 hour day off each week.

… taking two-week vacations instead of one week vacations (only two weeks for rest vacations, one week is fine if there is just something particular you want to do that necessitates taking a week off when rest and rebooting is not the point.

Calibration Tools for Lifting Yourself and Those you Love and Lead Through Coaching and Mentoring [28:10]

  1. What are some things you would like to do differently or some intentional investments you would like to make in your marriage? Make a list, if you had a do-over what would it look like? Write down 5 things and choose 3 items you think would be realistic. Talk about the investments you would like to make with your spouse. [29:55]
  2. What do you want this relationship to look like in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? Write a vivid description of what you would like your marriage relationship to look like in the future? [30:54]
  3. List 5 things you could do to move the relationship in the direction of the future you would like to see. What investments do you need to make now for the future you desire? [31:24]
  4. List three things you need to put on your calendar right now that will move you in that direction. (i.e. vacation time, weekly time together, etc.) If it is not on the calendar, it’s not going to happen.  [32:05]