I sometimes need to say to myself, “I don’t care what people think about this.” But I do care what people think, I just don’t want my decision-making to be driven by the fear of what people will think or how they respond….
Whenever I say “I don’t care,” my mind goes back to 6th grade and a kid named John, an active kid with wild hair and really thick glasses. I will never forget this public exchange between John and our teacher:
Teacher: “John, If you don’t put more effort into this assignment you are going to get a bad grade.”
John: “I don’t care.”
Teacher: “You had better care because if you don’t straighten up you might fail the class.”
John: “I don’t care.”
Teacher: “If you fail this class you may have to repeat 6th grade and all your friends will advance and you will be left behind.
John: “I don’t care.”
Teacher (becoming exasperated): “If you aren’t successful in school you won’t get a good job when you grow up.”
John: “I don’t care.”
Teacher (completely exasperated): “Young man, if you take that attitude throughout your life you will end up in prison.
John: “I don’t care.”
John found the key to owning the teacher. He found the key to not feeling bad about not performing at expected levels. John had found a way to live the life he wanted to live, at least temporarily. That key: Just don’t care about the consequences.
There are some things in my life that I really care about, but I sometimes tell myself that I don’t care to keep my focus where it needs to be. Like my writing and the things I create. It is easy to create and publish when I tell myself I don’t care what people think, but it is also easy to be haphazard and lack excellence if I don’t care what anyone thinks.
The way I live my life, the decisions I make, the way I lead. I sometimes need to say to myself, “I don’t care what people think about this.” But I do care what people think, I just don’t want my decision-making to be driven by the fear of what people will think or how they respond. I do care what people think, but sometimes I have to have the courage to act upon what is right, or what I feel to be right and numb myself a little to the anticipation of the response or the criticism I might receive.
A better way to say it is, “I care what people think and feel, I care about their thoughts and opinions because people are important to me, but sometimes I need to put my focus on doing what I believe to be right.” I must have the courage to steward 62 years of living, over 30 years of leading, and the convictions I’ve developed along the way. I must have the courage to take actions I know are going to make waves for some but cause transformation far beyond the few well meaning critics.
A good leader cares about what people think or feel. When some of the people they care about criticize a decision or direction, it stings. And yet, a good leader prepares themselves to act with the heart of a servant and press forward even though some waves will be created.
When I say, “I don’t care,” it’s usually a mechanism I use to help me steel my emotions and still my fears to embolden myself to take an action not everyone is going to like because I believe it is the right thing for me to be, say, and do. I just need to keep reminding myself that I really do care, but I am going to take action and not focus on the waves but on the transformation.
