Listening, processing, and writing.
You know, something strange just happened and often happens when I open my journal for the morning. I thought, “I don’t have any thoughts to write.” My response to myself was, “I rarely have thoughts when I open my journal, the thoughts come after I start writing.” And that’s exactly what happens almost every morning.
Often I have nothing to write until I write, nothing to pray until I pray, and nothing to hear until I listen. It is the first step that leads us to the next step.
Journaling is the way I listen to God and the way I actively listen to myself. It helps me zone down enough to listen to the heartbeat of God, but the other very important thing that I don’t often think about is the journal helps me discover what I am really thinking and how I really feel about things. Writing is an important discipline, and I will even say it is a spiritual discipline, for me at least, because it forces the organization and articulation of thoughts. Journaling causes me to stop and listen to the heartbeat of God.
I am a written processor living in a world of verbal processors. I am always at a disadvantage in the moment with a verbal processor because I need to think and gather my thoughts and make sure what I am saying is what I mean. This is why I often say, if you have a question for me on Wednesday I am going to have an awesome answer for you on Thursday. I have learned the value of saying to a leader, a board, a critic, “let me think through that and let’s set a time to talk.” I am an extroverted introvert; I easily engage relationally with people, but quiet time is where I think and refuel. No more apologies for how I am wired, it has served me very well.
The journal gives me the gift of not needing to be perfect because no one will see what I write, unless I choose to share it (as I might with this part of today’s journal). I am writing for myself and if I do give others a window into my journal, maturity has finally gotten me to the place that I just don’t care how many views, likes, or shares it gets. If one person is encouraged by or resonates with or reflects upon one thing, that’s enough. When I write for an audience I inevitably start to think about what that audience will like, what they will criticize, how I can explain myself so they will not misunderstand. When I journal I have an audience of one, God, and He already knows my thoughts better than I do.
The journal allows me to liberally explore what’s inside me. Journal pages are infinite. I can go page after page after page because I have no one saying, “you need to cut that down because no one is going to read it.” In my journal, who reads it is not an issue and I love the feeling of being able to just go on a long and complex journey of writing until paths start to emerge.
I feel the unction to start sharing things from my journal that I want to share. To not worry about perfection or critics or even if it is worthy to be shared. Everything I write I write in my journal before it finds its way to an article, a resource, or a podium. When I used to write a blog I would sit looking at the screen trying to come up with something pithy and profound. Now, I just want Christ in me to leak out onto the pages and maybe some of it I will share when it feels right to do so.
