by David Delp | Dec 29, 2016 | Leadership, Uncategorized
You had a revelation. You wrote it down. You were excited. Then perfectionism and the fear of criticism caused you to edit it down until it lost its unique value.
Instead of the valuable gem you started with, you were left with an idea stripped of its power, or worse, you gave up and never executed.
I am not a baker, but Donna is. She makes apple pies better than anyone else. She tells me that you can only roll pie crust out once. If you keep mixing the scraps together and keep rolling the dough out again and again it will get tough. Her rule, roll the dough out once and only once.
Sometimes I write a great thought, an inspired thought, and then my perfectionism and desire to avoid criticism causes me to knead out the most salient points. Instead of a meaningful, appropriately transparent, and flaky and tasty crust, I produce a tough and chewy read or talk that has half the value of the first raw draft. (more…)
by David Delp | Dec 26, 2016 | Joyful Living, Leadership, Spiritual Life, Uncategorized
I am a prophetic being. Not the kind that can tell the future, but I do usually know the next step, the next creative step issued by the heartbeat of the Father, and I lean into that.
I think you know your next step too!
Sometimes we feel it should be different. We sometimes feel we should have all the details before moving forward. About all that gets you is stuck. This is a paradigm shift for me. I was the guy who wanted everything mapped out. Now, I try to simply take “next steps” and see where they lead me. I look for open doors and step through the ones I feel are right. I shrug at closed doors and (more…)
by David Delp | Dec 11, 2016 | Leadership, Spiritual Life, Uncategorized
I woke up in the middle of the night last night to a gently scolding revelation. Arrogance is a hinderance from releasing the good stuff inside me. What?!? Yep, when we fail to release the gold inside us because we constantly question its worth, that could be arrogance. Humility is necessary to rightly release the good things in us to bless others.
Here are 10 reasons why humility is an essential character quality for leaders.
#1 Humility is accepting myself and my limitations and not trying be something I am not. Arrogance is trying to appear to be something I am not. Humility supports authenticity, arrogance does not.
#2 Humility submits to crucifixion. Lately, an emerging character trait allows me to steel myself and push through pain when facing needful difficulty. The more battle scarred I become, the easier it is to do this. I am determined to be whole and healthy, and sometimes the process of such is incredibly painful. My natural inclinations are to draw back from hardships and to choose an easier path. Arrogance seeks to convince me that life’s difficulties are unfair, and that I deserve an easier path. Arrogance uses words like “deserve” and “fair” while humility understands we truly “deserve” nothing and no one’s life is ever really “fair.” Yet another reason I am so thankful for grace and mercy!
#3 Humility allows me to champion unpopular ideas, because it is needful, and its not about me. Arrogance proclaims controversial ideas for the purpose of garnering attention or increasing ratings or readership. Humility is willing to appear less profound, less studied, and less clever in order to simplistically deliver that which is most needful for the situation. Arrogance makes acrostics, rhyming points, and trendy ideas solely for the purpose of impressing the audience. Clever is good, but the mission is communication of vital truth, not clever for the sake of applause.
#4 Humility deflects attention to the One who is more important than I. Arrogance seeks to draw attention to self.
#5 Humility painfully communicates the truth of cause and effect, while arrogance plays to the crowd with harsh and legalistic tones because it wants the applause of the Pharisees. Humility fosters transformation, arrogance promotes alienation.
#6 Humility embraces the necessary path even when anticipating a smack to the jaw. Arrogance obscures truth with candy coating for the sake of its reputation and standing.
#7 Humility allows for celebration. Celebration is awesome. Be proud of outstanding accomplishments. Be celebratory and grateful for the favor of the Father and be ecstatic in his grace. High-five, and shout, and be exuberant over wins. Such behavior is neither humility nor arrogance, it is joyful living! It is sweet. I love it! Humility is not dour or sour or boring or consistently painful or abased. That would be called asceticism… and I think asceticism finds its genesis in arrogance…hmmm…
#8 Humility opens the door to revelation. I’ve never met an arrogant leader who seemed to hear the heartbeat of God. Believe me, I never use the word “never” without thinking long and hard about it. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough, maybe I’m just jaded. I’ve personally never seen humility obsessed with trendiness, though I am certain some humble people might be. I’ve never seen humility draped in plainness with the intent to draw attention to itself. Arrogance, on the other hand, seems to always want to draw attention to itself. I’ve never encountered a leader who was really connected to the heartbeat of God who exuded arrogance. The men and women who have made a difference in my life always exuded humility. Maybe because that’s what I was looking for, maybe because that is how I personally identify wisdom, maybe because brokenness releases the diamonds of the Father more so than arrogance ever can.
#9 Humility enables the impartation of value. I’m suspicious of people for whom everything has always gone their way. I look for people who are figuratively missing a few teeth because they’ve endured blows to the face in the course of life. I look for gray hair and some graybeards who have loved intensely and lost tragically. I look for people with limps and scars who survived something, because if they survived something then they might have something transformational to give me.
When I was a bit younger, I believed anything was possible and that God favored me above all others. I never was a stand out, but I acted like one. My wounds that became scars and my breaks that became limps have taught me more than all of my easy times combined. These things imparted to me a brokenness that instructs humility. And still… believe it or not there are people who look down on others who have survived hard blows. There are those who intimate something was lacking in either my spirituality or the love of the Father towards me. Arrogance is disturbed by such comments, so arrogance is not dead in me yet, but humility understands that the accusers only feel that way because they’ve not yet had their wound or scar, or they simply hide and deny their deepest wounds.
Not every action denotes either humility or arrogance. I do not want to polarize everything as either humility or arrogance; rather, I write these thoughts because I need to regularly remind myself, and the leaders I love, that courage is more often clothed with humility than with arrogance. We do courageous things because they must be done, not because it feeds our ego. At least that is my hope. My arrogance would rather I run away from battles, because I don’t “deserve” the skirmishes, its just not “fair.”
I want to be obedient to my heavenly Father. I am engaged in the lifelong process of the crucifixion of self. I think that I shall only be free from the anchor to this world when I experience glorification on “that day.” Am I arrogant? Yes, I am, too often. Am I humble? From the depths of my soul may I embrace it and grow in it.
#10 Humility is forging forward in obedience to the obvious task without bowing to possible consequences. Oh yes, I do believe in calculating risks, being a good steward, etc., but I’m talking about that moment when we know what we ought to do, what we must do, and arrogance squeezes it out of us. When the Father gives a divine vision, a divine strategy, things to which obedience is required, can I obey without throwing a shield up because I am afraid of opinions and opposition? I hope so.
I do seek to follow Jesus’ example and be clothed with his humility, so that I may simply do my best to be obedient.
by David Delp | Oct 4, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Joyful Living, Leadership, Uncategorized
How do you re-engage a joyful life when joy has been stripped away? We are committed to the pursuit of a joyful life. Boldness is actually required for joyful living. We will boldly pursue joy!
People mean well. They want to make us aware of how things should be. They want to help us clarify our obligations to God, nation, church, and family. I’ve found yet another comforting key to living a joyful life; I scroll past political commentary on my social media feeds. I unfollow the most vitriolic, don’t have time for it. I limit my news consumption to a few minutes a day from measured sources. If I want to dive deep I can, but I’m not going to let FOX or CNN roll while I eat my evening cereal. I will be informed, I will not overdose on opinionated commentary.
You see, I already know what I believe. I do. My thinking is well developed. I’ve chosen a path for my life. I research when I am confused, but I stand when I have certainty. I know where I’m going. I know what I’m to do with my life. Opinions considered, I want to just get on with my mission.
When I listen to rants I usually get enraged about something over which I have no control. I will vote. I will state my beliefs. I will chart an unwavering course. I will live a joyful life which comes from focusing on what’s important and giving less focus to things not central to my personal mission.
[shareable]Boldness generates joy in a strange sort of way.[/shareable]
… The boldness to defy the conventional in favor of the transformational
Living our lives in a cage of convention puts our focus on parameters instead of simple joys. Yep, anal people like me have a harder time being joyful. Joy comes through transformation into the newness of abundant living. Not every “i” is yours to dot, not every “t” is yours to cross. If you spend your life dotting and crossing every incomplete “i” and “t” you come across it will strip your joy.
… The boldness to defy routine for the extraordinary
Habit and routine are keys to success… They are… But taken to an extreme they strip simple joy. Do something different. Find new places. Discover the joy of a new adventure. To reach for the extraordinary we must reboot our routine.
… The boldness to defy the mundane for the next miraculous
When we were children we marveled at the veins in a leaf and the fuzz on a caterpillar. Have you lost your wonder? Have you come to see the miraculous gift of life as something to be endured rather than enjoyed? We’ve been there! Don’t be so focused on where you are going that you fail to live right now.
… The boldness to defy hypocrisy for reality
I am an unapologetic Christ-follower. Jesus loved hypocrites, but he hated their hypocrisy. Condemning others for things we ourselves practice, though perhaps in a slightly different form, is hypocrisy. If you want to live a joyful life, cut off the people who strain a knat and swallow a camel. See, “they” want you to adhere to standards they cannot even keep. If you try–no joy for you!
… The boldness to defy deception with truth
The truth will set you free. Freedom brings joy. We lie to ourselves about ourselves too often. God thinks I’m awesome, he does (another #writingthought)! I’ve always seen myself as less than I was. Arrogance and humility aside, most of us beat ourselves up when actually, most of us are pretty awesome people. I can never be joyful unless I like me.
We are committed to living a joyful life. We will joyfully embrace transformation. We will pursue the extraordinary. We will rediscover a wonder for the miraculous. We’ll ignore hypocrisy and the agendas of the frightened. We will live with the largess of God. We will joyfully embrace who we are…because God does.
by David Delp | Mar 3, 2016 | Leadership, Uncategorized
Your God-given dreams are YOUR responsibility. You have to steward your dreams. You cannot expect someone else to make it happen for you. There are 5 areas of maturity that we must cultivate to properly go forward with purpose.
This is my second post about pursuing our dreams and our purpose. Lately, that’s been a very important subject to me. Like many of you, I have some big dreams in my heart that I believe God has given me. I am intrigued with how our journey of losing spouses has both majorly disrupted the pursuit of life purpose, but has also keenly focused us on what is important and not important, which in turn better prepares us for what is ahead.
In a previous post I wrote about Keeping the Dream Alive. In this post I will explore some lessons I’ve learned in aligning dreams with present context and moving forward with maturity. This post is about taking responsibility for our dreams and not placing the responsibility upon someone else.
Sometimes, when we feel others should lend their influence to our vision, and they do not, improper attitudes may develop. In the church world we call a subversive attitude an “Absalom spirit.” The term refers to the story in the bible (2 Samuel) of Absalom, King David’s son. Absalom’s vision of the future was different than King David’s, and was openly critical of his father. He gathered people around his cause and actively campaigned against David. Admittedly, David made mistakes, but Absolom’s response has become a biblical standard against improper attitudes toward spiritual leadership.
Some see a subversive attitude toward a struggling leader, or a leader with a different vision, as acceptable, but it is wrong. An Absalom attitude, along with being morally wrong, destroys elements necessary to the success of any organization or team: trust, respect, teamwork, and the cohesiveness of character. An Absalom spirit can arise in us when we feel our vision of the future is better and more important than that of the leader or the leadership team.
An Absalom spirit can arise when we feel our vision of the future is better and more important than that of the leader or the leadership team.
An immature leader will sometimes see their vision of the future as more important than anyone else’s. They want their ideas to become the organization’s priorty. Such immature people cannot understand why other ministries and initiatives are not scrapped to free budget resources for them to fulfill their vision.
I once worked with a staff pastor who was doing an awesome job. This team member was already consuming an inordinate amount of the budget on their vision. He grew frustrated because the leadership of the church would not keep fueling him with more and more general resources needed by other vital ministries. His vision was big. His vision was a good vision. It was difficult for him to understand why we could not fund it at greater levels.
Your vision is no one else’s responsibility. If you are a visionary your dreams will always outstrip your ability to pay for it. Part of stewarding a vision is seeking God for the resources to do it. While God is our source, you have to take responsibility for funding your vision and not get “put off” when everyone doesn’t roll over to make your dream happen.
Mature leaders understand when God speaks something to them they have to take responsibility for shepherding the vision. Yes, inspire others, include others, inspire others to find themselves in the vision, maybe it will become their vision too, but do not develop a sense of entitlement that implies that since God gave you a vision everyone else needs to fall in line and see that it gets done.
Here’s the deal… Anybody can have an idea. Ideas are a dime a dozen. I have more ideas floating around in my head now than I will ever accomplish and that would take years of work, sacrifice, and fund-raising to carry out. Not every idea is a God idea. I have ideas about websites and apps and videos and books, the list goes on and on. It is no one else’s responsibility to make the things in my heart happen–it’s mine, and I have to decide what is and is not worth the investment. Anybody can have an idea. So what? Those who can shepherd ideas into reality are valuable.
Anyone can have an idea, the value comes in being able to make it a reality.
The train wreck begins when we see our leaders and our team as “irrelevant,” “too passive,” and Absalom’s pearl–“they just don’t have vision.” And then Absalom talks about it. At the city gate, in the rest room, and worse, he alludes to it in meetings and manipulates others into saying it out loud while he is quiet in a telling way with a knowing look on his face.
I must take responsibility for the dreams and visions God has given me. I have to take responsibility for moving my “great adventures” forward. In moving the God-visions in my heart forward I have to exercise maturity to assure that the things God has put on my heart aligns with His broader plan. How do we keep our dreams and visions aligned with God’s big-picture? How do we protect ourselves from an “Absolom spirit?”
We must cultivate at least five areas of maturity to protect our hearts while moving our God-given dreams and visions forward.
#1 Cultivate maturity in your communications.
Do not have a hidden agenda in your communications, let your “yes” mean “yes” and your “no” mean “no” (Matthew [5:37]). As communicators we know how to “spin” things. Have integrity in the motivation behind your words.
#2 Cultivate maturity in your expectations.
To expect others to take responsibility for fulfilling our dreams is immature. People will only engage with your vision when it becomes their vision, when they can see themselves in it. It isn’t about you.
#3 Cultivate maturity in your perspectives.
An immature person only sees things important to their agenda. A spiritual leader has to have a “big picture” perspective. Organizations and churches are systemic, everything affects everything. Someone has to keep everything in focus and make decisions based upon outcomes affecting the entire organization. To have a team member trying to promote a sliver of the vision over everything else is wearisome.
#4 Cultivate maturity in your pace.
Repositioning, major changes, and culture shifts take a long time. Immaturity and impatience are synonymous when it comes to moving a dream or a vision forward. Timing and alignment are critically important. An “Absolom spirit” is critical of the necessary pace and often pushes for things to move faster than they should.
#5 Cultivate maturity in your understanding of ownership.
When you are the one who owns primary responsibility for a decision, things look differently. The weight of a decision rightfully rests upon the one with the most responsibility. Immaturity presses us to seek the right of decision-making without owning the responsibilities. The primary leader owns the responsibility for organizational outcomes, no matter how many assurances come from team members that they will own the responsibility for decisions. We have to own our decisions and we have to respect the fact that, when under authority, our leaders will also have to own our decisions.
Your dreams fit into someone else big-picture. We do not dream in a vacuum. We must help those we mentor and coach to understand how their dreams, visions, and life-purpose fits into their big-picture. We must also be careful to keep the right attitude toward those over us as we pursue our purpose. It is my responsibility to steward my God-given dream and I must diligently seek to understand how that dream aligns with the context in which God has placed me.
Thoughts?
by David Delp | Aug 26, 2015 | Leadership, Uncategorized
Perfectionism is my greatest obstacle to accomplishing anything. Excellence challenges me to do things right, perfectionism challenges me to do nothing unless it meets nearly impossible standards.
There is a difference between excellence and perfection.
Excellence challenges me to do things right. It challenges me to grow.
Perfectionism challenges me to not do anything unless it is perfect according to my perceived standards. And often my standards are higher than I can reasonably fulfill.
Excellence is caring enough to put forth an effort to do my best. “Best” is always defined by time, resources, preparation, opportunity, and circumstances.
Perfectionism is unreasonable in its demands.
- It keeps me from launching new things
- It keeps me from making my work public
- It keeps me from sharing the great things in my heart with others
- It keeps me from feeling good about things that are good
- It dishonors the gifts God has given me
Pursuing excellence takes us to the next level. Pursuing perfection holds us back.
Perfectionism keeps me from doing the things I am passionate about. I’ve not made a blog entry for over a month. When I started this blog I committed to myself that I would blog no less than once a week no matter what, within reason. So, why have I missed so many weeks? Perfectionism. I have plenty to say, just not the perfect thing. I’ve written lots of drafts, but they were too… imperfect. I’ve written books that are trapped up in my hard drive because… well, they aren’t perfect.
Newsflash: We are not perfect. But you know what, perfection isn’t the attribute that draws people to us, or makes us effective. Who we are, imperfections and all, and how we live and move forward in spite of those imperfections is what makes us valuable.
I need to get over myself. I’ve been told that more than a few times in my life. I need to get over myself, not because I think I’m all that, but because I’m my own worst critic. I am too hard on myself… See, I did it again!
I am going to use this blog to help me get over my penchant for perfection. I’m going to post once a week, even if it stinks. In fact, I am not going to over-tweak this post, I’m going to just post it. I have a feeling it won’t smell as bad as I think it might because usually the things I create that people connect with are the things I didn’t think were my best work… And those things I thought were my sapphires of crowning achievement were barely noticed by anyone.
So, let’s do this.
Get over yourself, you are not perfect, everyone already knows you aren’t. Do not despise the gifts you have today, who you are, what you have to offer… pursue excellence, but forget about perfection.
