by David Delp | Dec 19, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Joyful Living, Uncategorized
I love Christmas; It’s the holiday season I’m not so sure about. No this isn’t a rant about shopping, but thoughts about the holidays for those who have recently, and not so recently, lost someone they love.
[shareable]Holidays are both joyous and challenging.[/shareable]
Losing someone is losing a piece of your world that you will never get back. It is a hole in your life that nothing else ever fills, because a unique and loved person is irreplaceable. There are two spheres of impact: (1) The more loved the person and (2) the more interwoven the person was into our life or “world”, the greater the disruption. Donna and I have started a new and joy-filled life, but neither of us is a replacement for the person we lost. We are coming more and more to realize and deeply desire newness, allowing old things to pass away, redefining our world, embracing tightly the people we love, and moving into a new, unique, and exciting world. Etc. (more…)
by David Delp | Nov 17, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Uncategorized
Standing in the hallway of St. Vincent’s Hospital exactly 4 years ago, I thought about many of the things in our lives that were about to change. I did not anticipate that everything would change.
That first night I went to bed alone trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. I woke up several times in the night. I got up long before the sun came up and looked out the window hoping daylight would take some of the darkness from my soul. (more…)
by David Delp | Nov 9, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Joyful Living, Uncategorized
You can’t live joyfully if you blame yourself, and others for that matter, for everything bad that’s happened. Stuff happens and it is incumbent upon us to live beyond the tough stuff.
When Joyce, my wife died I blamed myself at first. I think all of us who have lost someone in an untimely way goes through this to some extent. “What if…?” What if I’d not taken the time to take a shower? What if I hadn’t dropped my shaver and then taken the time to clean up the shavings that fell all over the floor and down into the HVAC vent that morning? What if I’d not slept in the recliner that night, thinking she would rest better? What if I’d called for help sooner?
What if I’d been more forceful with the ER doctor the day before? Maybe I believed him because I didn’t want to insist upon it and pay the co-pay for a needless third MRI, just because she had a run-of-the-mill headache.
What if I had loved God more? What if had a more excellent faith? What if I had prayed more, or better, or differently? What If I’d said different words? What if I’d taken more spiritual authority? What if I had not stolen that little plastic 47 cent figure from G.C. Murphy when I was 13 years old on a dare? What if God had loved me more? What if I had been worthy for God to have loved me more?
Yeah, some of you know the routine. You’ve stood and looked in your bathroom mirror and cursed yourself and called yourself names, because had you been smarter, had you been better, had you been…
What if…?
Its odd how we make things about ourselves. Its actually a little arrogant to assign ourselves a central role in so many of the things that happen in the world.
I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past 4 years. I was given the gift of a looking glass into which I could peer and really see myself. At first I did not like what I saw. This preacher of the love of Jesus for 30+ years, the whole “no condemnation” part — over and over again. Yep, I was that guy. Gradually I started seeing another image in that mirror looking back at me. The transforming image wasn’t a despicable man responsible for losing the most precious gift I had to that point been given; rather, I began to see a familiar face somehow miraculously merging with my own. I began to see Jesus in my face.
I began to identify just a wee little bit with his sufferings. I began to identify just a wee little bit with his compassion and humility. I began to identify, in an infinitesimally small way with the man-Jesus who hung torturously on a cross and looked heavenward into the face of his once dotingly adoring heavenly Father saying, “My God….Why have You forsaken me.
I could not identify with the immensity of His pain, but I could identify with his massive “why.” Our “what ifs” are rooted in our “whys”.
Here are a few related leadership principles that will help you live joyfully and better lead those you love:
Everything Is Not Your Fault
You can’t live joyfully if you blame yourself (and others for that matter, which is another post) for everything bad that’s happened. Stuff happens and it is incumbent upon us to live beyond the tough stuff. Admittedly, some things ARE our faults, but the majority of the things for which we blame ourselves are not our fault, and fault isn’t even the main point if we want to heal and move into our purpose.
[shareable text=”You can’t live joyfully if you blame yourself for every bad thing that happens.”]You can’t live joyfully if you blame yourself for every bad thing that happens.[/shareable]
My dad taught me to take responsibility for my actions. own up to my mistakes. Admit you were wrong and move on as best as reality will allow. But as godly leaders, we often take internal responsibility for things that were not ours to control. I could not alter the events of November 17, 2012 (the day of my wife’s passing). They were written in a book before the foundation of the world. That does not mean that I don’t try, it is simply an acknowledgment that I cannot control everything.
You see, you can’t control the actions and decisions of others, nor can you rewrite the consequences of the things you cannot control.
Don’t Second Guess the Past
“What if” is a game that must not be played in reverse. Learn to learn from the past. Understand the future in the context of the past. Be stronger, better, and equipped from the things you’ve learned and experienced, but be very cautious with the creation of alternate scenarios, because alternate scenarios lead to alternate realities. We live where we live, reality is reality.
Instead play “what if” forward and positively. What if today I love my wife like it is the last day I will have her with me? What if I apply myself diligently to the revelation I’ve received? What if I live faithfully and trust God’s grace? What if…? What might happen if…? and then live it.
Live in Partnership with God
Outcomes emerge from our obedience to God’s directives. I am of the conviction that things and people are only eternally transformed through a God-revelation. I cannot expect to bear great fruit outside my gift, and neither can I position myself to effectiveness contingent upon my earning it.
You can’t create something transformational if you think yourself unworthy of God’s grace. You can’t lead with A profound spiritual horsepower until you’ve been beaten up, probably several times, and learned that you just cannot make it through tough stuff unless you have some help. This fixes both your reliance and sufficiency on God.
I’m going to do my best, but I really can’t change much. I for sure cannot change the things that are behind. I can only learn from them. I can only use them for a context to understand the things to come.
If I can’t change much in my past, then why am I obtuse enough to think I can really orchestrate my future. Oh yeah, I will be disciplined, I will be determined, I will not quit, I will hear the heartbeat of the Father and I will doggedly and obediently pursue his plan, but I play just one instrument and my Father is the conductor. I have to trust that he will give me the right part, the right music, and the will to be tenaciously obedient.
Nothing I did or did not do that day affected the outcome. Sometimes I wish it had so I would understand better. I was along for the ride on a very bad day, but that ride is still taking me to … I’m not sure where, but I choose to position myself to live joyfully, and trust that the destination is a very, very good place.
by David Delp | Oct 12, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Joyful Living, Spiritual Life
It is not so much the path upon which we find ourselves that matters, what matters most is how we choose to walk the path. In this we accept the path’s reality, we embrace God’s sovereignty, we rejoice in redemption… and we keep walking out our place in life.
[shareable]It is not so much the path upon which we find ourselves that matters, what matters most is how we choose to walk the path.[/shareable]
What do you do when you have no choice? We give a lot of thought to choosing the right path, but how do you live joyfully when you cannot choose your path?
When we miss a turn our GPS declares it is “recalculating”. When we miss a turn in life, life is not over, we (or God) recalculates our path based upon the best or only route from our present location to our destination. We cannot go back and start over, our life must “recalculate.”
My life has been most affected, not by the times when I had a choice and made the wrong one, but by the times my path and direction changed and I had no choice in the matter. When the single road I was walking turned dark, there were no alternate paths. There were no forks or crossroads. I could “quit” or I could keep going, but another path was not an option.
So, since this is a reality, how then do we joyfully move forward when we’ve been offered no choice?
Accept the Reality of the Path
As I write this we are in a presidential campaign season in which I hear many saying there is no choice with which they are comfortable. To call something godly that is evil is no solution. We lose a piece of our soul when we do it. We may not have the choice we want, but we need to acknowledge our dilemma, call it what it is, and make the best of it.
When we lose a loved one to death it is irreversible. Our lives must “recalculate.” Acceptance of the path is a part of healing. The ignorant platitudes doled out by well-meaning people in attempts to placate my grief did not help. In a progressive way, I had to acknowledge the stinking reality of the situation before I could find wholeness.
Yes, we do have to find ways to come to peace with what has happened, or the stinky choice made for us, but I need to acknowledge the situation as stinky so I can move forward in the reality of the situation. We must eventually overcome denial.
Sincerely Embrace the Sovereignty of God
This is where joy enters the equation. Yes, joy. We have committed to living a joyful life. I have spoken much about the decision to believe that good things will happen in the future that would not have happened had the bad stuff had not happened. This is not a Pollyanna-ish declaration. I believe in the sovereignty of God. I believe God has a plan for my life. I believe I’ve messed up His plan more than once, I will probably mess it up again, and that he has recalculated a number of times to take me from where I am to the desired destination.
I will trust God’s sovereignty and keep going with a belief that my path leads me to a place I need to be. I will live joyfully in spite of the stinky stuff, because I do believe and trust in something bigger than myself. Believe me, there have been plenty of times I have figuratively spat in the face of such “happy talk”, but finding my bearings, with my eyes wide open, I can actually see the progression of the path and how it takes me to all the right places.
Here’s the thing… you might be at a place in life where all you can see is the sorry path you’ve been given, that’s okay. Since it is the only path you’ve been given, I encourage you to keep walking, keep going, keep trusting, keep yielding to the “recalculation” of God, and keep your eyes open, because you will find signs along the way that your path is going to actually take you to a good place.
Believe the Path is Redeemable
The most painful things I’ve walked through were not my fault. I did nothing to cause them, they were just part of the journey. But, I’ve also walked dark paths that were a mistake brought upon me by poor choices. This is common. We made decisions that led to unintended consequences, and now we have no choice but to walk the path we forged.
And what about compound complex paths? Like walking a path of grief and compounding it with subsequent poor decisions made in the fog. I know what I’m talking about.
Again, “recalculation” is a sovereign act in which we start where we are, work through the stuff, and move toward the desired destination. Redemption is atonement for a mistake or sin. The entire story of God is one of reconciliation and redemption. Without redemption all of us would be irrevocably lost.
When I have no choice but to walk the path I am on, I rejoice in the reality of redemption that redeems that which should have or could have destroyed me, and transforms it into a good thing.
Finally…
The beauty of having no choice is… well… we don’t have to make a choice. Resignation to reality has a way of leading us to a summit that only adversity can offer. Small consolation in the depths of a terrible path, but it is hope for a good place.
Remember, It is not so much the path upon which we find ourselves that matters, what matters most is how we choose to walk the path. In this we accept the path’s reality, we embrace God’s sovereignty, we rejoice in redemption… and we keep walking out our place in life.
by David Delp | Oct 4, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Joyful Living, Leadership, Uncategorized
How do you re-engage a joyful life when joy has been stripped away? We are committed to the pursuit of a joyful life. Boldness is actually required for joyful living. We will boldly pursue joy!
People mean well. They want to make us aware of how things should be. They want to help us clarify our obligations to God, nation, church, and family. I’ve found yet another comforting key to living a joyful life; I scroll past political commentary on my social media feeds. I unfollow the most vitriolic, don’t have time for it. I limit my news consumption to a few minutes a day from measured sources. If I want to dive deep I can, but I’m not going to let FOX or CNN roll while I eat my evening cereal. I will be informed, I will not overdose on opinionated commentary.
You see, I already know what I believe. I do. My thinking is well developed. I’ve chosen a path for my life. I research when I am confused, but I stand when I have certainty. I know where I’m going. I know what I’m to do with my life. Opinions considered, I want to just get on with my mission.
When I listen to rants I usually get enraged about something over which I have no control. I will vote. I will state my beliefs. I will chart an unwavering course. I will live a joyful life which comes from focusing on what’s important and giving less focus to things not central to my personal mission.
[shareable]Boldness generates joy in a strange sort of way.[/shareable]
… The boldness to defy the conventional in favor of the transformational
Living our lives in a cage of convention puts our focus on parameters instead of simple joys. Yep, anal people like me have a harder time being joyful. Joy comes through transformation into the newness of abundant living. Not every “i” is yours to dot, not every “t” is yours to cross. If you spend your life dotting and crossing every incomplete “i” and “t” you come across it will strip your joy.
… The boldness to defy routine for the extraordinary
Habit and routine are keys to success… They are… But taken to an extreme they strip simple joy. Do something different. Find new places. Discover the joy of a new adventure. To reach for the extraordinary we must reboot our routine.
… The boldness to defy the mundane for the next miraculous
When we were children we marveled at the veins in a leaf and the fuzz on a caterpillar. Have you lost your wonder? Have you come to see the miraculous gift of life as something to be endured rather than enjoyed? We’ve been there! Don’t be so focused on where you are going that you fail to live right now.
… The boldness to defy hypocrisy for reality
I am an unapologetic Christ-follower. Jesus loved hypocrites, but he hated their hypocrisy. Condemning others for things we ourselves practice, though perhaps in a slightly different form, is hypocrisy. If you want to live a joyful life, cut off the people who strain a knat and swallow a camel. See, “they” want you to adhere to standards they cannot even keep. If you try–no joy for you!
… The boldness to defy deception with truth
The truth will set you free. Freedom brings joy. We lie to ourselves about ourselves too often. God thinks I’m awesome, he does (another #writingthought)! I’ve always seen myself as less than I was. Arrogance and humility aside, most of us beat ourselves up when actually, most of us are pretty awesome people. I can never be joyful unless I like me.
We are committed to living a joyful life. We will joyfully embrace transformation. We will pursue the extraordinary. We will rediscover a wonder for the miraculous. We’ll ignore hypocrisy and the agendas of the frightened. We will live with the largess of God. We will joyfully embrace who we are…because God does.
by David Delp | Sep 28, 2016 | Grief & Disappointment, Spiritual Life
I’ve always lacked boldness… that’s a nice way of saying I’m a natural born coward. I care about what others think, this is a strength. I am influenced too much by what others MIGHT think, this is a weakness. Some people think I’m intimidating, I can be, but on the inside I want everyone to be happy and think only happy thoughts about me.
I am at a men’s prayer summit. I’ve decided to write the next few days about what God is speaking to me. I’m a perfectionist, so to just publish on the fly like this is out of my comfort zone, but that’s the point…
God has given you everything you need for life and godliness. He has given you gifts. He has called you with a calling unique to you (2 Peter 1:3).
It is time.
It is time to step into your calling with boldness.
We must challenge each other in the context of our culture, but we must not bow to the culture.
I grew a beard on sabbatical. I liked it. Donna liked it. Being the natural coward I am, as the sabbatical wound down, my thoughts turned to shaving, not because I wanted to, but because of how it might be perceived. “He’s trying to be cool.” He’s going through an emotional crisis.” He’s trying to figure out who he is.” “It looks raggedy.” “I don’t like it.” “It doesn’t look professional.” People really care far less about what we are doing than we think! Getting noticed is far more challenging than anyone focusing on us.
I decided to keep the beard. I kept it because it reminds me of who I am, because it brings me pleasure, and because, oddly enough, I believe it brings God pleasure.
I’ve decided that I’m not a weasel. I’ve decided that God likes me. He thinks I’m cool. I’ve decided that my life was not turned upside down because I’m a worthless worm. The days I walked in that belief were painful days. I don’t know why our worlds got turned upside down, but it is not because God doesn’t like us or that he is out to get us.
[shareable]God actually likes me! Wow![/shareable]
Over the past few years I’ve met and talked to a lot of people who have lost people they love. We never signed up for this ministry, but it surely found us. Most of us who have suffered untimely loss have felt, at least for a few moments, that it was our fault because we were worthless and not worthy of being spared from intense pain.
Before we can move forward we have to find a boldness. A boldness to stand. A boldness to be. A boldness to embrace the path and what’s ahead.
[shareable]We must have boldness to move forward. A boldness to stand. A boldness to be. A boldness to embrace the path and what’s ahead. [/shareable]
I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY who I am.
I am UNAPOLOGETICALLY David Delp. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crap, the wonderful things… but this one thing I know. My Daddy, Abba, loves me. He adores me. He dotes over me. He has called me to live in his presence. He has called me to hear his heartbeat. He has given me the privilege of listening to his very heartbeat. He has allowed me close enough to hear. To feel his warmth. To smell the aroma of his very presence.
I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY follow the demands and directions he gives me.
I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY go where he wants me to go. I will ask for the resources to do so, both of my Father and of those who are holding on to his wealth.
I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY write what he puts on my heart. I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY say what he wants said. I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY go where he wants me to go. I will UNAPOLOGETICALLY be who he wants me to be.
